Keen forum archives from 2001

[DHeadshot]

...Are you seriously telling me that Bloogology turned into a porn site?

No - according to the wayback machine, it was a porn site in 2000...

[Snortimer]

The old link was dead, so I re-uploaded it to SpeedyShare.

[Flaose]

Since you've dug up the old topic, here's the picture of Neil from his Stunts site:

[Snortimer]

That explains so much.

I think it was suspected that he was the same person as that Peter Heardgahna fellow too, who seemed to have multiple personality disorder and kept threatening to cut people off the internet. I still have a log of all of the emails he sent me with his insane stories about getting attacked by bears in the wilderness.

Man, some of the stuff that happened back then is a bit embarrassing.

[Levellass]

We were all a lot younger then (or absent.)

[Keening_Product]

I still have a log of all of the emails he sent me with his insane stories about getting attacked by bears in the wilderness.

Haha, any chance we can have a read of any of them?

[Snortimer]

Ok, here's one of the first, from early 1999. It's actually three emails in one. First a foreword, then a copy of the email that he had sent to everyone else (but forgot to send to me) then a copy of the email that his supposed friend from Canada had sent him (but was probably just him, this is the one with the bear attacks in it):

Howdy

Sorry if I forgot to send you that E-mail that I
sent everyone else from the Commander Keen
messageboard. First I have the E-mail that I
wrote to them for you to read then I have an
E-mail for you to read that Brian Mason sent me
after he got back to Edmonton. If you right any
plays on this coffy grinder you will hear about
of Brian's planecrass, I will come to your house
and kill you. I guess you won't be righting
anymore plays because I am now off the
messageboard for good. You haven't rote a play
for a long time, now let's keep it that way. If
you neee to right it badly, don't post it
anywhere or atleast don't E-mail it to me. If you
do E-mail it to me, I will definately come to
your house and kill you. I also got an E-mail
from Tom Baily a few days ago and I might E-mail
him my level soon because it won't work on
Geoff's website and now Tom Bailey has a cutoms
levels website. Hopefluu, my level will work
there. Also, I was sick the last few days and
couldn't right any E-mails. I was frowing up and
I was going to the bathroom every 5 minutes and I
kept getting these headakes that hurt so hard
that I could hardly sleep at night or move my
head. I''m glad that my dad was supporting me
when I was sick now that he turned nice because
if he was still mean he would probably make it
worse and locke me out in that toolshed again. I
haven't got sick since I was 7 years old, a year
before my mom died. My mo msupported me when I
was sick back at that time, but my dad didn't
really care then.

Also, 2 questions befoe we get started:
1. What is a coffy grinder? (Everybody else I
asked this question to told me that it turns
beans into coffy)
2. Do you know what kind of animal ate the bear
in Brian Mason's plane crash?

--------------------------------------------------

>Howdy
>
>Geoff,
>Did you recieve the last E-mail I sent you about
>me leaving the messageboard because of that mean
>kid with the name "somebody, not telling who
>yet"?
>
>Thea,
>What does :-S mean?
>
>Everyone,
>Hear about what happened today---
>---Brian finaly left to go home today. He left at
>12:00 (lunch time) He gave me a free gift last
>thing before I left him at the aiport. He bought
>it at a second-hand store a few days before he
>left Edmonton. It was a gift wrapped up. I took
>it home to my appartnemtn and opened it. It was
>small box. On the box it said "coffy grinder" and
>there was a picture of this strange looking cup
>below it. The cup had a glass lid and wires all
>over it. I opened the box and it was one of those
>strange cups from that picture. I have no idea
>what a coffy grinder is, atleast the box told me
>what it was called (that it was called a coffy
>grinder). That coffy grinder thing wasn't the
>only thing in that box. There was also a small
>note in the box that said "instruction manual
>missing". I didn't know how to work the thing
>because the manual was mssing. Do you know what a
>coffy grinder is? I did hear Kady, my sister,
>talking about gettiing a coffy grinder for
>several months, but she never did. I decided to
>phone my dad and ask him what a coffy grinder
>was. Kady answered the phone. She told me that my
>dad had gone down to the pub for the night. Ijust
>decided to try asking Kady. She said she didn't
>want to waste her time with me because she was
>just leaving to go out with some of her friends.
>This is all strange, I thought my dad turned nice
>now. I guess he had just been cooped up at home
>too much lately and he wanted to get out for a
>while. I had nobody else to ask. I just decided
>to fool around myself for a bit and see for
>myself what a coffy grinder is. I set it on the
>kitchen counter then I plugged it in. After 3 and
>a half whole minutes of looking, I found the on
>button. Just as I was about to press it, I
>decided it would be a little boring experience if
>I made a new discovery without any entertainment
>in the background. I decided to turn on the TV
>and find a movie to watch while I made my
>discovery. The only thing that was on was this
>horror movie that I was really scared of. It was
>on more than 1 channel. I couldn't play one of my
>video-tapes because my VCR was in the repairshop
>being fixed. Brian helped me take my VCR into the
>repairshop a few days before he left. They said
>that my VCR would take about 1 week to fix. I
>asked them if they had another VCR I could borrow
>while mine was being fixed (just like while
>fixing cars), but they said I would have to pay
>them $100.00 for that. I decided to save some
>money and go without a VCR for a week. Now, I
>just decided to watch the horror movie even
>though I was too scared of it. I wnet back to the
>coffy grinder. I thought really hard before
>pressing that on button because I was afraid that
>one I pressed it, the coffy grinder would grab my
>shirt then pick me up then swing me around in
>circles and make me dizzy then throw me across
>the room and maybe out my appartment-window. All
>0of a sudden, I heard a big loud scream on the
>horror movie. That gave me the insentive to press
>the on button, I pressed it. All that happened
>was that the coffee grinder made a great big
>loud noise. It was so loud that I was scared of
>that too. I was too scared to turn it off so I
>just stood there with my hands over my ears. 2
>minutes later, I thought I heard somebody
>knocking on my door. I just yelled "come in"
>because I would have to take my hands off my ears
>in order to answer it. I figured that it was
>probably my dad on his way home from the pub and
>he was probably comming to check on me and he
>could help me solve my problem now that he is a
>nice man. I was wrong, it was the mean 85 year
>old lady who lives in the appartment next to
>mine. She told me that she heard the loud noise
>of the coffy grinder all the way from her
>appartment next door. She said that she was
>trying to listen to her opera CDs and the sound
>of the coffy grinder blocked the sound of the
>opera CDs. Bleh, I hate opera. That is what I
>could of done and I never thought of this til
>now, I could have just put on one of my CDs if I
>was too scared of the movie. Now, the old lady
>turned the coffy grinder off. She then saw the
>scary horror movie in the background. She saw 2
>ghosts fightinng on there. 2 ghosts fighting was
>just too scary for her and she turned it off. I
>took my hands off my ears then I told her not to
>touch my things because they are my things and I
>can do whatever I want with them then I asked her
>if she knew what a coffy grinder is. She told me
>that a coffy grinder is a machine that picks you
>up by your shirt and throws you out your window.
>Before I could say anything. that old lady picked
>me up by my shirt then she threw me out my
>appartment-window. Luckily, I made a soft landing
>in my appartment building's flower garden and I
>didn't get hurt. I landed in a nice soft grove of
>flowers. The flowers were nice and soft. I got up
>on my feet then just as I was aboutt to head out
>of my garden, I heard the voice of my appartment
>building's manager yell that people in the
>appartments are only alowwed in the garden
>between 9:00 and 4:00 and only workers were
>alllowed there all the time. It was 7:00 after
>supper. The manager wouldn't listen to what I had
>to say. She also told me that the old 85 year-old
>lady complained to her about me making too much
>noise. The manager thought that I did too many
>bad things like trying to avoid my dentist
>appointment for example or taking my mom's body.
>I guess my dad didn't get around to telling the
>manager yet that I didn't take my mom's body. The
>manager thought that I had caused her so much
>trouble that it was time for me to move out of
>that building. She said that I have 72 hours to
>move out of that building and if I don't do it in
>those 72 hours, she will call the police to come
>arrest me.
>
>Do any of you have any idea what a coffy grinder
>is? If so, please tell me. You can also tell me
>how to work it since I don't have an instruction
>manual for it.
>
>Please tell Snortimer not to right plays on any
>of this. I guess he wouldn't now that I am off
>your messageboard for good. But if he does right
>a play about it, I will come to your house and
>kill you since I can't seem to cut you off the
>internet.
>
>
>
>Peter

--------------------------------------------------

Heya Spunkies,

Sorry if it took me a while to E-mail you guys, I will tell you know
what happened. I was on my way home to Edmonton on Tuesday Apr.6,1999 .
When the plane was half way to Edmonton, we were
flying over a big forest. The plane was starting to run out of gas.
The driver of the plane had everyone else on the plane and me use
parashoots to jump out the back of the plane while he landed it. I was
the last one to parashoot out and I was scared. After standing at
the back of the plane for half a minute being scared, the driver came
to the back of the plane and pushed me out the door then he went back to landing the plane. Wehn I was half way to the ground, I still didn't know how to work my parashoot. Luckily, another guy who was on the same plane as mefell beside me with his parashoot up and he told
me how to put up my parashoot and how to work it. I tried it and it
worked. That other guy landed safely on the ground while I landed safely
in a big tree.
Everyone else on the plane landed safely on the
ground. I was the only one who didn't make the groud. I decided to try
juping to the ground from the tree with my parashoot. Just as I was
about to do that, my parashoot popped and it wouldn't work. I was
stuck up in a tree and I was too scared to climb down. I yelled to one of
the people below to call a firetruck. None of them had a phone, not
even a cell phone. If you were there Steven, would you help me get
down? We all waited. 2 hours later, the driver of the plane finally
found us. He said that he managed to safely land the plane in a big field
nexxt to the forest. He brought a tall ladder from the plane which he
used to climb up and help me down. I don't know how he knew I was stuck up there or I don't know why he brought the ladder. We all wlaked over to the field which was a very short walk away. I thought we were right in the middle of the big foest when we were just at the edge. Just as we were comming out of the forest, this bear started chasing us. I was the
last in line again and that bear seemed to like me the most out of those
people. I was really scared. Everyone else ran into the plane and shut
the door. The plane was right there, I saw it right when we ran into
the bear. I was now locked outside with the bear. A few minutes later
after running around in circles trying not to get eaten by the bear,
luckily the driver of the plain realised he forgot about me and he let
me in. The driver was too scared too take off in the plane with a bear
in the way so he decided to wait until the next morning. Yesterday
morning, we woke up (We had slept in the plane last night, the seats
fold into beds) and that bear was still outside the window waiting
for us to come back out.
He must have been awake all night waiting for us, he looked very tierd.
The driver had an idea. He went into the back of the plain and took out
a great big gun. All of a sudden, the driver got a call on his radio so
he gave me the gun and sent me outside to shhot the bear. The driver
made me shut the door behind me so the bear wouldn't get inside the
plane and hurt the people in there. I tried to shoot the bear but he
wouldn't stand still, he just kept chasing me instead. Eventually he
was chasing me so much that I ran into the forest. I went running down
a trail with the bear still chasing me. How could a bear possibly chase
me if he was so tierd after being awake all night. Eventually, I was
far away from the area and the bear had finally lost me. I think he
finally got lost in the forest so that he wouldn't find me or the
plane. Now I was lost and couldn't find the plane too. All of a sudden
I hear a big loud grawling noise. I was glad because it couldn't be
the bear because it sounded way louder than that bear's grawl. I
waited. A few minutes later, this big scary animal came out from behind
a big tree nearby. It was almost twice the size of the bear and it had
big horns and big teeth and these big pieces of sking hung down from
its eyes and it was really scary. Do you have any idea what this animal
is called, I don't? Whatever it was, it wanted to eat me. It was
running right ttowards me. I ran back down the trail towards where I
came from and that animal kept running after me.
It ran way faster than the bear. I was running so fast to get away from
it that I was getting really tierd and I needed to stop and rest. Just
as I was about to be at the stage where I couldn't take it anymore, we
ran into the bear.
This must have been the area where the bear finally lost me on my way.
The bear must have been there waiting for me to come back. Now, that
other animal seemed more interested in the bear than me. The bear was
so tierd that he couldn't run. That animal ended up eating the bear. I
never saw a great big animal eat another animal in real life before,
maybe just in a movie on TV. That other animal was so full from eating
the bear that it forgot about me and ran away. I continued down the
trail and eventually I luckily made it safely back to the plane. I went
inside and shut the door behind me. I told the ddriver everything that
happened. He didn't believe me. Do you believe me? I gave the gun back
to the driver then he put it away and got out the spair gascan then he
took outside now that it was safe to go back out there then he filled
the plane with gas then he got back into the plane then he flew back to
Demonton. I didn't get home until late last night and I was very tierd
from my big adventure so that is why I din't write anybody an E-mail
last night. I still wonder what kind of animal that was. It looked like
maybe a dinosaur, but it couldn't be one if they are X-stinked now.

--------------------------------------------------

My Yahoo E-mail adrress:
username: pheardgahna
password: richual
===
I'm a f*cking bitch!
_________________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com

[Grimson]

With such skill in uh...colourful storytelling, I bet he'd become a wonderful politician.