eheemm... before start...lets forget everything and let`s do this again....please...no figths...and i will do my best to take criticism well, i promise, and how about edit post already done ?
so before we start this story is that i call : "when capcom meets ID"
cuz i wonder what will happen if i mix some megaman history here and some Ck there.
--epic prologue time---
...given the choice, to rule a galaxy doomed to the void, when the heroes sacrifice like lambs blindy walking to their deaths in their home worlds, or defy ours destiny with a throw a better throw against one`s destiny, was what a queen to do?.
but does one truly have a choice?, one can only match move by move the machinations of fate, and so defy the tyrant stars....
---part 1---
Almost 4 months had passed since the android Zero sacrificed himself in order to prevent Ragnarok from crashing into Area Zero and so continue the "wheel of the blinded ones". The formerly Neo Arcadian humans and Reploids were living together in peace in Area Zero. Natural forests had grown back in Area Zero with the help of humans and Reploids.
Meanwhile, the blonde haired young scientist was sitting on her bed in the Resistance Base. She hadn't got much sleep ever since the incident with Ragnarok, although there hadn't been that much work for her now. She was still thinking about Zero, who had gone missing since he went on a mission to Ragnarok Core.
But inside of what she dreams i see a great potential....smart and willing, i only need she to stop being the obvious victim, alas i hate use this word "the first pawn" i need to break the wheel.
First as i see her worried about how the kiiling machines called "mavericks", she also blindy run to her destiny...she will create powerful armor to fight them, they will be stolen, another villain empowered by the dark energy will rise...and she will die, an become another offering...
but when i enter her dream a night ago, i put my plan in motion, i discretely changed the curse of her actions, her research is now leading to an non-earthen mineral formation, made 200 years ago, there the hero who save this galaxy was buried to be forgotten...until now what`s is the diference between him an the other heros? they were brave, but they will never would have guessed, who the true evil his, my actions maybe punished, but as the last of my kind i will gladly sacrifice gnosticus IV for the sake of the galaxy, and maybe the whole universe...
as i write this, maybe my last words...my thoughts back to the past when i first see him...
--meanwhile back at earth--
In skies a military shuttle pass in their way to the excavation site
marine1: so... why we are here
marine2: uhh... i guess some supersmart girl asked the uac for help...
marine1: help for what?
marine2: dunno some nerd stuff in that rock.
marine1: i wonder why , has been almost a century since mars broke relationship with the earth, honestly is the first time i see the earth.. the homeworld of our species....and looks like a great trash can...
ehem, a voice spoke from a distance, the blonde haired figure went to meet their half-time helpers...
marine1: look what we got here, miss "blonde kid with a enormous brain", what the hell i just said, commented also.
what yer want to dig lass? . another marine asked
well, days ago some friends fof mine in the area zero tell about some insual mineral formation, wich signatures bear resemblance to the strange metal scrap we find, ciel stated.
Ah , that model W.h.a.te.ve.r you and your mechanical freaks were presuming all this time? the marine1 asked.
reploid are not freaks mister, she replied.
from this point...and with all the troubles i have with using the pc i want to link what i got with the chapter i drawed time ago
http://postimage.org/image/t452hm5g/
http://postimage.org/image/t4a13nms/full/
http://postimage.org/image/t4gn91lw/full/
http://postimage.org/image/28vzmzex0/
http://postimage.org/image/t4gn91lw/full/
http://postimage.org/image/28vzmzex0/full/
http://postimage.org/image/28w9k7hvo/full/
http://postimage.org/image/28whtw8ck/full/
http://postimage.org/image/28wog1mbo/full/
http://postimage.org/image/28wrr4bb8/full/
My Fanfiction thread Ck Future Shock <updated>
My Fanfiction thread Ck Future Shock <updated>
Last edited by jmfmagnum on Mon Sep 26, 2011 14:24, edited 9 times in total.
Stop!
Critique time.
No caps, no spaces between paragraphs, no subtitles, too many references to/rip-offs from Mega Man X, a chaotic story with so many new items and plot devices crammed into a tiny description it blows my mind. Something about gene manipulation, space rangers, blond jokes, martians, ion cannons, abandoned Earth, and suddenly, Billy Blaze!
Critique time.
No caps, no spaces between paragraphs, no subtitles, too many references to/rip-offs from Mega Man X, a chaotic story with so many new items and plot devices crammed into a tiny description it blows my mind. Something about gene manipulation, space rangers, blond jokes, martians, ion cannons, abandoned Earth, and suddenly, Billy Blaze!
"All those thousands upon thousands of junk foods made for me on the various planets I explored make me wonder how I'm still alive."
By criticizing your work, I don't mean I hate it. Proper criticism appears in the form of tips on how to improve. By deeming your work as a total failure, you ignore the chance of getting better.
Writing a good story begins with a solid plot in mind. Nothing too simple, nothing too exaggerated.
Writing a good story begins with a solid plot in mind. Nothing too simple, nothing too exaggerated.
"All those thousands upon thousands of junk foods made for me on the various planets I explored make me wonder how I'm still alive."
I dunno why such a strong reaction to Grimsons critique, but well, I hope you don't delete it from your deviantart, and I have seen worse keenart I can assure you.jmfmagnum wrote:i guess i should give up forever....at least i try
post will be removed...when i find the button of course
so dont worry, i will erase this sh$t if you want...
Also Levellord (Ziblink) seemed to like it.
You crack me up little buddy!
Yours isn't any better. I made a list that shows just how...bouncy the story is. On my second post I explained it better. It was hardly mindless.wiivn wrote:Grimsons post wasn't a critique. It was, yet again, another of his troll posts. And unfortunately, it wasn't even funny. It was more like a mindless bashing. I bet he didn't even know how to criticize properly.
Yeah. Even if you don't like it that's not a valid reason to start up a flamewar. I mean this isn't MLP fan fiction.jmfmagnum wrote:mmmm....guys, would mind stop fighting please?
why not, somebody point me how to write stories and stop trowing crap between us?
Also wiivn with all due respect, I don't know if you've noticed but basically everyone is getting sick of you being an idiot. Just saying.
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StupidBunny
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Re: ---
No. Nobody asked you to delete your fanfic at all. If anything, you were encouraged not to delete it. You had one person tell you that they didn't like it, gave some reasons why, and weren't even terribly harsh, and apparently you took that very personally and decided nobody else was allowed to read it. You're just being silly and a bit dramatic by deleting it.jmfmagnum wrote:content deleted, you happy now ?
Also, I'd QFT what CKeen said but I'm too lazy to use the quote thing just now.
Easy. Google is your friend. Be warned, I didn't examine the links given in that page.jmfmagnum wrote: why not, somebody point me how to write stories and stop trowing crap between us?
EDIT: Lol, I like the "Do you hear voices in your head? If not, what should you do about it?" part.
Last edited by Grimson on Fri Sep 23, 2011 17:27, edited 1 time in total.
2 post and i already ppl hate me? what the hell i`ve done..??????????CKeen wrote:Yeah. Even if you don't like it that's not a valid reason to start up a flamewar. I mean this isn't MLP fan fiction.jmfmagnum wrote:mmmm....guys, would mind stop fighting please?
why not, somebody point me how to write stories and stop trowing crap between us?
Also wiivn with all due respect, I don't know if you've noticed but basically everyone is getting sick of you being an idiot. Just saying.
what i said so offensive?
i should suppose my fanfiction was offensive
is like someone is following me....
why, why? so much hate?.....whatever just...just continue your lives and don`t mind me... i need a beer...maybe 4