Why does Keen do what he does?

Post by **Levellass** » Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:15

A list.

1. Scared by that scene in E.T. Vowed to destroy all aliens by self, without enlisting aid from military.

2. Beats homework.

3. Being incinerated, stabbed and shocked better than playground bullying.

4. SETI@home 'not practical enough'

5. Belief in 'the next life'

6. Better to fall to death than get health insurance.

7. Sugar addiction.

8. High-score based self-esteem.

9. Always bad with pets, killed all goldfish ever owned, so why stop there?

10. Must stop Skypest mocking pitiful efforts to play. By any means possible.

11. 'The player made me do it.'

12. Extreme hatred of vegetables (That one time.)

13. Violent and xenophobic but don't want to join Tea party.

14. Love of eating out.

15. Desperately seeking cure for albinism.

Roobar · Post by **Roobar** » Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:32

But that's not the right question. The question is why does Mortimer do what he does?

Bablet · Post by **Bablet** » Sun Nov 25, 2012 16:41

Keen does what he does because it must be done.

Like what Wiivn said, Mortimer's the real question here. What's that kid's ulterior motive? Is ruling or destroying everything really the point, or are there going to be more surprises?

Benvolio · Post by **Benvolio** » Sun Nov 25, 2012 18:59

Well I dunno, Mortimer can be explained quite simply as 'bent on pure evil'! Whereas Keen is unique in his response to Mort. Why does he even know what Mort is up to?? Why does he feel it needs to be done? Does anyone else on earth know what has to be done? I mean, in fan-created stories/mods/games there's Becky Blaze and probably others. But there's obviously something complex in Keen's desire to thwart mort.

Perhaps these are a few extra reasons for the list:

16. Spiteful resentment of Mort's supposedly higher intelligence and a desire to prove that what you're born with can only get you so far and that real talent comes from desire as well as the raw material.

17. [Unfounded claim but one that is often made with similar figures] Nearly 60% of US citizens have never left the continental U.S. And 15% have never left the state they were born in. Keen wants to singlehandedly counterbalance this statistic.

18. Lives in a rough neighbourhood and wants stolen merchandise to sell to kids. I mean, have you seen how much free stuff there is once you leave Earth? Pizzas lying around in a presumably microbe-free oxygen-free atmosphere, cooked in cosmic rays. Books, teddybears, ice cream, the list goes on.

19. Keen might in fact be a collaborator on an eleborate study into the existence and phylogeny of extra-terrestrial life-forms. He undertakes a manned mission to mars and makes some, let's just say, unexpected findings. (P<0.05). The rest, let's just say, is history.

Snortimer · Post by **Snortimer** » Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:07

To test out his enormous Commander Keen Mecha suit! (ever wondered why Keen looks so huge on the world maps and can walk across an entire planet in just seconds?)

Post by **Levellass** » Sat Dec 01, 2012 6:25

Sadly it lost a foot over the pyramids...

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:43

well look how pale keen's skin is- paper white. the poor boy has cancer. might aswell travel the universe before he dies.

and yes other people in the keen games also have white skin- so my only explanation of that is that everyone has cancer in the keen universe.

Post by **Keening_Product** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:52

Bernie wrote:well look how pale keen's skin is- paper white. the poor boy has cancer. might aswell travel the universe before he dies.

and yes other people in the keen games also have white skin- so my only explanation of that is that everyone has cancer in the keen universe.

Clearly not skin cancer... or any other form of cancer.

Weird connection you've made there.

Benvolio · Post by **Benvolio** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:54

well don't forget he lives in the Northern contiguous US states where the climate isn't the same as Australia (which is a hotspot for skin cancer in Caucasians), more like bits of Russia and Sweden by the looks of things:

So he has more risk of skin cancer out in space where there's raw cosmic rays and UV and things like that.

Post by **Keening_Product** » Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:10

Clearly he's visiting low-UV galaxies because he's albino.

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 3:09

Keening_Product wrote: Clearly not skin cancer... or any other form of cancer.

Weird connection you've made there.

oh i dunno, whatever sickness gives people pale skin. aids? maybe keen has aids.

Post by **Levellass** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 3:57

Two conditions may commonly result in white skin:

Albinism, a genetic defect usually present from birth which can result in high skin cancer rates: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albinism but this often results in red eyes.

Vitiligo, often present in later life (past childhood) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitiligo which results in the skin going white in ever increasing patches.

AIDS relates to neither of them.

Bernie · Post by **Bernie** » Mon Dec 03, 2012 13:26

i just want keen to have a terminal illness damnit. >:

Post by **Levellass** » Tue Dec 04, 2012 3:14

He does, it's called life. It's currently incurable.

Snortimer · Post by **Snortimer** » Tue Dec 04, 2012 11:03

Levellass wrote:He does, it's called life. It's currently incurable.

Sure it is, Keen can live forever if he can figure out a way to turn himself into cancer. He would then be known as... CancerKeen! or Commander Cancer! His grotesque body would grow larger and larger until its pulsating lecherous mass covered the entire universe.