Top Slogans Found in the Vorticon Empire

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Lava89
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Top Slogans Found in the Vorticon Empire

Post by Lava89 »

Hi everyone

To continue the Keen humor in the style of the other David Letterman-esque "Top List" I started (found here), here's another subject: "Top Slogans Found in the Vorticon Empire"

The ones below are some I thought up, so feel free to add to this list. And again, to add to this list my only rules are that they must be *intended* to be humorous and they can't be vulgar.

Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We're the biggest suckers in the universe!"

"The Mind-Belt Wearhouse: You're gonna like the way you think, we guarantee it!"

"Vorticon VI: Celebrating 50 years of being every boy genius' door mat!"

"Vorticon Space Fleet: We can destroy planets and don't even need an exhaust port!"

"Foob-wich: With a name like Foob-wich, it HAS to be good"

"Vorticon Mouthlasers Inc: If it doesn't shoot all over the place, it shouldn't come from your face!"

"Vorticon Parenting Center: We give our kids freedom, even on advanced warships!"

"Vortininja Training Academy: Upper left and upper right kicks done right!"

"Vorticon Identity Crisis Center: Been confused with Earth Canines since 1890"

"Vorticon Commander Mars Emporium: We got parts you could DIE for"

"The League of Super-Vorticons: Because we're trigger happy with our lasers around delicate machinery!"

"Just when you thought it was ok to go back into space" (found on the movie poster of "Attack of the Kid Geniuses 2")
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tulip
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Post by tulip »

Vorticon VI: Bigger and Better than Vorticon V
Vort & Vortenberg: We got all the suits you can imagine - red, blue and yellow
Image You crack me up little buddy!
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KeenRush
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Post by KeenRush »

Some good ones. :) Especially the Vortininja Training Academy and Vort & Vortenberg.
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Syllypryde
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Post by Syllypryde »

Vortininjas- Responsible for Chuck Norris' destructive roundhouse kick!

Vorticon VI- See the first five on home video this summer.

Vortimoms- We are so overprotective we even kill our own kids!

Mind Belts- Because cranial rings sounded to wimpy.

Meep- We needed to give them a horrible name to match their horrible singing.

Butler Robot- Instead of serving me a gin and tonic, he pushes me off the cliff and to my death.

Tantalus Ray- When you are having feelings of self-doubt and inadequecy, just blow up the earth to make yourself feel better.

Vorticon Grunts- Throw your hands in the air and grunt like you just don't care!

Mortimer McMire- The poster boy for birth control!

Sugar Stoopies- Brain food for 8 year old genusies and 8 year old virgins!

The clubhouse- When saving the galaxy makes you an outcast.

Building the Bean with Bacon Megarocket- Hey, MacGyver was sick that day!

Spot- The alternative for pet owners tired of the dog going on the rug.

Everclear- If dad is able to stay sober for just one day, there is no reason I should not be able to save the world.

Vortikids- Today's kids, tomorrow's mind contolled terrorists!

Brother's football helmet- Smart enough to create his own spaceship but mentally unable to create his own spacesuit? No wonder they call him 314!

Commander Keen's pink shirt- This explains the reason the Vorticons are always laughing before they are mysteriously slaughtered.

All the swirlies Mortimer gave Billy- Why didn't the Vorticons ever think of that?

Stuffed Toy Vortininjas- When playing with rayguns becomes boring.

Playing Jacks- Even power hungry aliens need a vacation once in a while.

Foobs- They are afraid of everything, even Keen's pink shirt.

The Big V- This would have been a perfect time for a swirlie!

Invasion of the Vorticons- Because "Billy has Chicken Pox" would have been no fun to play.
.niarb ym fo
snoitulovnoc eht tuaba
selbbarcs ssensuoicsnoc
rehgih a ekil smees
KeenEmpire
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Post by KeenEmpire »

"Honey, I set fire to our kids."

"King Con"
"In order to ensure our security, and continuing stability, the Kingdom has been reorganized into the First Vorticon Intellectuality!" Image
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StupidBunny
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Post by StupidBunny »

"We are 100 years behind the Shikadi. We must make good this distance in 10 years. Either we do it, or they will crush us."
-Grand Intellect on the Five-Year Vortiplans

"Defend the Vorticon Motherland!"

"Workers of Vorticon VI, UNITE"

"Tippecanoe and McMire Too"

"No longer tradition's mental chains shall bind us!"
-The VortiKing

"The wheel of history inevitably turns in our favor, comrades."
-Grand Intellect on blowing up Earth

"Peace, land, and Teddies"

"WE WILL BURY YOU"
-Grand Intellect on the mental wimps of Earth
Image
KeenEmpire
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Post by KeenEmpire »

"Mister Intellect, tear down this wall!"
"In order to ensure our security, and continuing stability, the Kingdom has been reorganized into the First Vorticon Intellectuality!" Image
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Post by StupidBunny »

KeenEmpire wrote:"Mister Intellect, tear down this wall!"
:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
I love it

Also...
"Vorticon VI: Celebrating 50 years of being every boy genius' door mat!"

I just realized how hilarious this is
Image
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Lava89
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Post by Lava89 »

Haha, thanks StupidBunny. I love the Soviet theme to yours, especially the Motherland one, haha.

And thank you as well KeenRush! I thought Tulip's "Vort & Vortenber" was clever as well.

Syllypryde I like your Vorticon Grunt one.

And nice fitting, Reagan reference KeenEmpire, haha.

Great entries (so far) guys!
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Syllypryde
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Post by Syllypryde »

Vorticon Elite move that bus!!!
.niarb ym fo
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selbbarcs ssensuoicsnoc
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Levellass
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Post by Levellass »

Vortimoms: 'Spare the flame, spoil the child'

Vortikids: Our children are just stunning!

Vortiguns and ammo: Even an 8 year old could use them.

Vortimom cooking: That's a spicy meatball!

Jacks: Tiddlywinks for MEN!


* * *

"Please remember that while 8 simultaneous attacks will level cities, one unexpected one will destroy the planet, and you." ~Vortiship manual.

"Hey, I wonder what THIS switch does?" ~H Vortson, former head of construction, Voortiship division.

Hey Keen! I can see your house from here!~Mortimer McMire

I don't know what it is, maybe the hostile takeover of the planet, maybe the mental enslavement, but I just feel a little blue.~A. Vorticon

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~A. Vortikid

"You kids don't know how lucky you are these days. When I was growing up, it was CGA, and the only way you could tell the difference between you wallet and your sandwich was o bite it." ~Hal Vorticon

"Okay, okay, so they DON'T have weapons of mass destruction. How was I supposed to know?" ~The Grand Intellect

"I was unanimously elected supreme dictator again? Wow. Say, what's this 'voting' thing you keep talking about?" ~Garg king

"Its a modern art sculpture? Silly me! I thought it looked like some kind of energy weapon."~United Planets Weapons inspector

"Sunglasses? Gee... what a nice gift..."~A. Yorp

"Okay, so it's not Kevlar, but have you seen the colors it comes in?" ~H. Vortson, former head of Vorticon uniform design

"And now my rendition of Wagner's 2nd overture, rescaled for 140 decibels." ~A. Meep

"For the last time! Notice the lack of craters, the non-spherical shape, the planet destroying hardware! We're a spaceship, NOT a moon!" ~Lord Vorter, Captain of the Vortiship
What you really need, not what you think you ought to want.
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matonen
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Post by matonen »

Oh my god that was just so brilliant! I can see you really made some effort to it!

Good job!! :)

(loved the yorp one)
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Post by KeenRush »

Haha, yeah. Especially the first one. :lol
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Commander Spleen
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Post by Commander Spleen »

levellass wrote:"Please remember that while 8 simultaneous attacks will level cities, one unexpected one will destroy the planet, and you." ~Vortiship manual.
Rofl.
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Post by Toomuchsparetime »

These are actual snippets from Vorticon newspapers. Please read them in order, as they tell a familiar story (or two)............ ;)

"Road Death Toll Highest in 50 Years - Hovercars Blamed - Royal Traffic Control Investigate Alternative Transport Options" - New Vorticon Herald, 6/19/1987

"9 out of 10 VortiGun users agree: 'This is neat!'" - Toys-R-Danger-Us(TM) advert

"Apartment Fire Kills 3 - Women Urged to Keep Mouths Shut" - Vortburg Star, 8/6/1987

"'Messie' Photographs Prove Existence of Living Fossil" - Vorticonspiracy Theorist, April Issue, 1988

"VortiCandy(TM) - Stays fresh & tasty even when left lying around outside for days!" - VortiCandy(TM) Inc. advert

"Messie: Hoax of the Century!" - Vortiville Daily News, 4/2/1988

"Government Denies All Knowledge of Underground Missile Silo at Fort Vorticon" - Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Issue 4, 1988

"1-Legged Foob Rescued" - New Vorticon Herald (Vorticon Interest section), 10/10/1988

"Radio Signals from Distant Star Detected - Are We Alone in the Universe?" - Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Issue 8, 1989

"Forecast for Thursday: Cyan skies, solid-base clouds with a 20% chance of hamburgers." - Vortburg Weather Report, Vortburg Daily News, 9/18/1989 (page 4)

"Alien Radio Signals Debunked as Hoax" - Vortiville Daily News, 12/18/1989

"Authorities Deny Presence of Aliens" - Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Issue 12, 1989

"Alien Conspiracy Theorists Still Want to Believe" - Vortiville Daily News, 12/28/1990

"Hey Kids! Forget jumping jacks - demand only GOUGING JACKS!" - Toys-R-Danger-Us(TM) advert

"HERE THEY COME! See how to make your own tinfoil hat, page 3" - Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Issue 14, 1990

"Scientists Agree: Large M-Shaped Object Seen in Night Sky is Just Weather Balloon" - Vortiville Daily News, 5/23/1990

"Mainstream Media In On Alien Coverup" - Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Issue 14, 1990

"Mad Tinfoil Hatters: Comedy Gold" - Vortiville Daily News, 6/1/1990

"ALIEN INVASION IMMINENT! Is your shelter ready? See page 4 for handy tips on alienproofing your basement" - Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Final Issue, June 1990

"OH SHI-" - Vortiville Daily News, 7/1/1990

"MIND BELTS: The King has one - so should you!" - Mortiville (Formerly Vortiville) Daily News, 7/2/1990

"Grand Intellect Elected Unanimously" - Mortiville Daily News, 7/3/1990

"GI Unveils plans for interplanetary exploration mission" - Mortiville Daily News, 7/8/1990

"Elderly: Useless Drain on Society. Solution: Cryogenic Storage" - Mortiville Daily News, 10/1/1990

"Mars Colonies Invaded!"
"Terrorist Hijacks Pogo Stick"
"Terrorist to be 'Hunted Down and Punished', says GI"
- Mortiville Daily News, 12/14/1990

"Funding Hike for Soon-to-be-Extinct Alphabet Education in Elementary Schools" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/15/1990

"Troops Reach Earth" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/17/1990

"TERRORIST ATTACKS MOTHERSHIP"
"Pogo Security Tightened 110%"
- Mortiville Daily News, 12/18/1990

"Families of Mothership Terrorist Attack Victims Consoled: Mind Belts Make Sadness Go Away" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/22/1990

"Mothership Fully Functioning - All Is Well" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/22/1990

"Mothership Programme Back to Normal - Nothing To Worry About, Folks" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/24/1990

"MERRY CHRISTMAS! EVERYTHING IS FINE" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/25/1990

"EVERYTHING: FINE" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/26/1990

"DO NOT PANIC. EVERYTHING STILL FINE, PREDICTED TO GET FINER" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/28/1990

"Everything Status: FINE. (P.S. Kill the yellow-helmeted terrorist)" - Mortiville Daily News, 12/29/1990

"BIG V AWARDED TO TERRORIST-TURNED-SAVIOUR" - Vortiville (Formerly Mortiville) Daily News, 12/30/1990

"Al Gorticon to Phase Out All Fossil Fuel-Burning Hovercars with Pogo Sticks by 1992" - Vortiville Daily News, 12/31/1990

"WE TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Exclamation marks continued on page 2"
"Coping With a Brave New World: Introducing Your Bunkerborn(s) to Surface Society"
- New Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Issue 1, February 2009

"Coping With a Brave New World: HoverPogo Operating Instructions"
- New Vorticonspiracy Theorist, Issue 2, March 2009

"Road Death Toll Highest in 72 Years - HoverPogos Blamed - Royal Traffic Control Investigate Alternative Transport Options" - New Vorticon Herald, 6/19/2009



8)
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