Public Commander Keen Forum

This thread is now broken.

nanomekia wrote: ↑Fri Dec 22, 2017 18:05 I too am hoping for a non-sucky, stress-free 2018.

Granted. After aliens arrived at Earth on 27 December 2017 and found legends of Commander Keen's destructive power, they wasted no time eradicating every last human on the planet. The whole operation only took three Earth days. 2018 did not suck and was completely stress free for all involved.

Edit: I wish humans had a city on the moon already.

Granted. The moon city is destroyed with no warning by a massive energy beam from somewhere in distant space. Observation of this event from the miraculously unharmed Earth reveals it came from a giant dragon that is attached to an artificial planet which is trying to destroy the universe.

(No prizes for guessing what game I've been playing.)

I wish my headache would go away.

Granted. It goes away from your head, and flies into the head of President Trump, who is incapacitated by it. Kim Jong-Un takes advantage of the opportunity to nuke Los Angeles. Global war results and the earth is decimated.

I wish I was immune to toe-stubbing for the rest of my life.

Granted. Your anti-toe stubbing powers destroy anything your feet touch, you immediately fall straight down into the earth's crust and die, slowly eating away at the earth and causing volcanic eruptions.

I wish coffee would grow better here.

Granted. It grows so well it gains sentience and learns how to brew a tasty, nutritious and caffeinated drink from human bones. You are the first harvest.

I wish it wasn't snowing.

Granted. It isn't snowing. How boring is that!

I wish nanomekia hadn't stopped the snow.

Granted. To ensure nano's wish isn't completely ignored, the wish granting powers that be decide to allow snow again, but only at your place. Because clear instructions weren't given to those responsible for weather wishes, all the snow which would have otherwise fallen as part of the entire weather system is dumped on you alone.

Being snowed in doesn't seem bad at first, but frozen pipes crack and bend, cutting water and causing your gas heater to malfunction. The building eventually collapses on top of you, but you are spared an agonising crushing because you died 90 minutes earlier, quietly, in a carbon monoxide-induced coma.


I wish this thread would come to an abrupt end.

Granted. You lock the thread. A mob of angry Keeners with nothing better to do than post in the Miscellaneous section shows up at your door with torches and pitchforks and burns your house down.

I wish for worldwide peace, except for in Greenland (no particular reason... sorry, people who live in Greenland)

Granted. However, the wish granting machine has a touch of tinnitus and hears "peas". The entire world is now covered in a mushy layer of squashed legume.

I wish it'd warm up a bit.

Granted. It warms up to an average temperature of 4000 degrees. Life on Earth comes to an end.

I wish I had bought cryptocurrency three years ago.

Granted. Unfortunately you died in a tragic car accident some days later.

I wish it wasn't 3:15 pm

Granted. It's 3:16 PM.

I wish my finger didn't ache.

Granted. Your other finger aches now instead.

I wish purple.

Granted. Blue.

I wish my lungs worked properly.