Public Commander Keen Forum

check out this animation I made about 6 years ago (if you want). I love the idea and story in it (its about spaceships and magic), but its pretty technically badly made. a few people i know who i showed it to seem to all hate my narration I did at the beginning plus i dont have anything else to do on this site:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu8ru6A1Bt0

Bernie wrote:check out this animation I made about 6 years ago (if you want). I love the idea and story in it (its about spaceships and magic), but its pretty technically badly made. a few people i know who i showed it to seem to all hate my narration I did at the beginning plus i dont have anything else to do on this site:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu8ru6A1Bt0

Interesting... So was that LSD in the ship?

I like the drawing style but I agree that the narration needed work.

i made the whole thing in around a month, so i rushed it. i dont want to do anything more with it though.

Very good! I enjoyed that. It deserves a remake. Thank you for sharing!

nice ending. I think spleen will approve

Hahhhhahahahahah! This is awesome.

I don't care what anyone says about the narration. It was pretty fantastic (though a bit too quiet). I'm not sure if you were legitimately going for what might be best described as as an "awkwardly bumbling" approach with your storytelling, but regardless of your intentions, you pulled off something humorously dry, and I like it.

Deserves an Oscar!

Ok, the one thing stopping this from being perfect is the narration. it doesn't need to be better, it needs to be worse. more cartoony and random, like the animation itself. So when you start you should say things like 'So in like, the center of the universe, or maybe a bit off to the side there's this big ball of... magic stuff. Spaghetti. magic spaghetti. It runs everything because God is on vacation.' something like that. It would literally boost it to the quality of a lot of children's programming these days.

Ok, the one thing stopping this from being perfect is the narration. it doesn't need to be better, it needs to be worse.

i actually did have a worse narration at the beginning initially, but it just sounded 'unprofessional' (i.e just crap). theres a very fine line between making something crap by design, and it just coming off seeming crap. its sometimes hard to tell

Which explains half of all television.

Narration? All I saw was things happening and "everybody goes home"

heh you probly have your sound turned off